Tag Archives: quit smoking

Bee in the Bonnet

Meaning: Preoccupied or obsessed with an idea.

“Resolving The Bee In the Bonnet Problem”
by Bear Jack Gebhardt

This article was originally hosted at Seventraditions. I have been unable to locate Bear Jack Gebhardt, but have decided to save this wonderful file here at Ciggyfree until some time in the future when Jack reclaims it. Thank you Jack!

You ever get a bee in your bonnet? Or in your hat? In your car? All
of sudden, you’re not thinking of anything, else, right? Everything in
your life, except that bee, is immediately back burner.

You need to do something about that buzzing bee and you need to do it now. When you
have a bee in your bonnet, life is suddenly very intense, and
uncomfortable, or potentially uncomfortable, and that potential makes
it uncomfortable right now.

Child in a Bee CostumeFor a lot of smokers, quitting smoking is very similar to having a bee
in their bonnet, or a bee buzzing around in the car with them. Life
is suddenly very intense, and uncomfortable, or potentially
uncomfortable. They feel they need to do something about it, “right
now.” Nothing else really matters.

Contrary to popular belief, it is not the lack of nicotine that makes
a quitting smoker so jumpy. The use of nicotine patches, and the new
drug Zyban can be helpful, but, so far, in fewer than 30% of the
cases. Even with nicotine levels at “ordinary,” and with stress levels
reduced, the “bee in the bonnet” feeling persists, and smokers go back
to smoking in order to let the bee out. The “relief ” which a smoker
feels with his or her first cigarette, after an unsuccessful quitting
attempt, is exactly the same relief as when the bee flies out the
window. “Whew, thank goodness that’s over.”

So, what is it, exactly, that makes a smoker feel as if he or she has
a bee in the bonnet, a bee in the car just as soon as the Quit Date
arrives? If we could figure out where the bee comes from, we could go
a long way to making it easier to quit, yes?

From careful research, and long discussions with smokers and
ex-smokers, it seems clear that the “bee in the bonnet” comes in the
form of a simple little question that the smoker continually asks.
That question is, “Should I, or shouldn’t I?”

Should I or shouldn’t I have a smoke? Should I or shouldn’t I give up
on this quitting business? The answer to the question, of course, is
logically no, don’t have one, don’t give up. That’s obvious, that’s
easy. So the smoker answers, “no, of course not, I won’t have one, I
won’t give up.” And then the question comes up again, and then again,
and then again, should I or shouldn’t I?

Here’s the rub: To answer, no, is obvious, but just to answer no does
not stop the question from recurring! The recurring question is the
bee in the bonnet!

Researchers have consistently found that the reason most smokers give
for trying and failing to quit is that they were unable to resist the
“cravings” they experienced shortly after stopping. A craving is
basically a thought repeated over and over. It may be a craving for
chocolate pie or a craving for a ski trip or a new Ferrari. A craving
is a thought repeated, again and again, until finally action is taken
or— here’s the freedom– the “craver” consciously decides to change
his or her thinking patterns. The key words here are consciously
decides. In the minutes and hours and days after quitting smoking, the
thought– in the form of a question– continually arises, “Should
I or shouldn’t I?” Most smokers assume it is their job to just keep
saying no long enough for the question to finally go away. Of course,
that works, sometimes.

More directly, though, the conscious decision to drop the question,
and think about something else, is a conscious decision to drop the
craving, and thus drop the habit. We are inherently free to drop our
cravings! In the same way we are free to develop or nourish our
cravings.

Non smokers don’t ask the question, “should I or shouldn’t I” Asking
that particular mental question is the basic habit that smokers are
breaking when they quit smoking. The secret to quitting is not so much
in correctly answering the question, “should I or shouldn’t I?” The
secret is in not asking the question at all. That lets the bee out of
the bonnet. Then, whether to smoke or not smoke is simply no longer
the question.

Congratulations Hes On 60 Days Smokefree

If you want some encouragement to quit smoking, connect with someone who has and learn from them.

After thirty years of smoking Hes is currently 8 Weeks, 4 Days, 2 Hours, 36 Minutes, 59 Seconds, (60 Total Days) smoke free.

Hes has not smoked 2402 Cigarettes.

You can actually watch Hes’ progress, and if he is online even chat with him!

To do so, visit > My Quit Smoking Statistics

Picture of FireworksHuge Congratulations to a great guy.

We visited Hes’s website today for an update, and he is now 119 weeks smokefree. The money he has saved is over $4000.00, and his body is free from the tar and chemicals in 33448 cigarettes!

Please visit Hes’ website, offer some congratulations, and please leave a comment if you have a live chat!

Keep up the good work Hes, Ciggyfree is proud of you!

How to Avoid Caustic Online Personalities of the Bully Type

In the past few years, I have met up with a few caustic online personalities.

Some caustics will come right out and directly attack you, while others will play a more passive-aggressive game.

Do you remember your local school bully when you were a kid?

In grade school, I had a rough few months when a kid by the name of Delores Fournier chased me home almost every day threatening to beat me up.

I would run as hard as I could to get home, flop inside the mud room entrance shaking, and cringe in fear of going back to school the next day.

Picture of a BullyThen one day while I was running home with Delores hot on my heels, I felt a raging anger build up internally. Somehow, I managed to stop in my tracks, turn around, and raise my fist in front of her nose and shouted “Delores Fournier, I will break your nose if you ever chase me home again!”

She stopped in her tracks, looked at my fist, ruffled my hair, and said, “Its ok kid I was just teasing you!” Then she turned around and headed toward her house never to chase me again.

A few years back I attempted to quit smoking utilizing various online forums and newsgroups. You quickly learn that some of these groups have organized bully leagues.

Though I did have direct attacks from some, most of the bullying went on behind the scenes in instant messenger dialogues, chat pm, and emails. I also found it very interesting that this group would accuse me of being a bully and ignore the fact that they also fit the bully profile. In a situation like this, it is best to ignore or refrain from participating in an abusive forum or newsgroup.

An excellent article at Cyberbullying states, “The objectives of bullies are Power, Control, Domination, and Subjugation. They get a kick out of seeing you react. It doesn’t matter how you react, the fact they’ve successfully provoked a reaction is, to the bully, a sign that their attempt at control have been successful.

After that, it’s a question of wearing you down. The more your try to explain, negotiate, conciliate, etc the more gratification they obtain from your increasingly desperate attempts to communicate with them.

Understand that it is not possible to communicate in a mature adult manner with a disordered individual who’s emotionally retarded.” The article goes on to list the seven rules of dealing with bullies.

The Number One rule for dealing with this type of behavior is: don’t respond and don’t engage.

I found Rule five to be especially enlightening since I recently experienced this situation with a long term female bully on a quit smoking Usenet support group.

Rule five states, “become alert to provocation. It could be called “The Baiting Game”. A provocative comment is made and those who respond spontaneously in irritation are then encouraged to engage in conflict with those who respond without irritation.”

“The provoker watches, waits and stirs the pot with the occasional additional provocation. What interests me is the sense of gratification that a provoker gains from watching others indulge in destructive interaction initiated by her. In this context, gratification is a perverse form of satisfaction akin to, but distinct from, pleasure.” Remember that Knowledge is power.

Take the Wired Safety Cyberbullying Poll