Mad

One of our readers who sent in a comment on a post asked me how I am doing with irritability issues, and dealing with tension. I have noticed a change over the last couple of months.

In the early part of my quit, I had some incidences where I lost my temper because of the constant cravings. They made me so uncomfortable, and would wear me down to the point I would get mad at little things. These types of incidents were pretty much normal, and easily explainable by the withdrawal symptoms.

In the last couple of months, though, I have had times where things make me mad and out of proportion, and it comes out of nowhere. An example of this is, when I am driving and someone does something rude, I will sometimes string as many curse words together as I can, without repeating myself. Normally I would just call the person one or two impolite things.

I also get more upset with what are minor difficulties, again without any warning. If my Internet connection drops, or my cell phone drops a call, or other normal, everyday minor annoyances pop up, I can occasionally react way too strongly.

I don’t know why I do this, because when it happens, I am not particularly bothered by any aspect of my quit. I don’t have any noticeable withdrawal symptoms at the time; I am usually feeling pretty normal. And the things I get so angry about are really so minor that I shouldn’t even get annoyed. But when it happens, I am genuinely and intensely angry, and it can take some time to get over it.

I am usually a pretty easy-going guy. I don’t spend a lot of time being mad at most things. I have the ability to laugh at myself, and see the humor in most situations. I have been known to have a flare up of temper from time to time, but I usually get over it as fast as it comes up. So this is very different for me to stay mad for a while at small stuff.

What the cause of this is, I can’t really say. It just happens with no planning or warning, nothing obvious to associate it with. I think it is part of the quit, and that it’s something in my subconscious at work. But I can’t really say what.

I will deal with it, however, and without smoking. I just have to keep it as short as possible when it happens. I am not about to medicate it with cigarettes. For a working theory I will chalk it up to the addiction, and wait for it to go away. Because going back to smoking would really, really make me mad.

Zzyzx